a bunch of new beauty products that work

howling about skincare, sure

How’s everyone doing? How’s your digestion? Are you getting enough vitamin D? Did you take your creatine? Have you purchased enough of the summer’s emotional support linen? Are those jelly maryjanes you bought making you feel a hint too much like a wee lass? Do you have kids? How are your kids? Ornery-sweet-brilliant assholes, right? Are you watching that Jessica Biel show where she’s an oxymoronic rich/powerful, modern-day magazine editor, a show that’s only OK? Did you see the Pee Wee Herman doc that’s actually great? Are you checking out Chantal Akerman’s films on the Criterion Channel? Are they, despite your best cineaste intentions, putting you to sleep? How’s your sleep? Are you reading before bed? What are you reading? Is it, perchance, Alice Notley’s Telling the Truth As it Comes Up, Selected Talks and Essays? Did you make that chicken thing last night? Are you ready to go vegan? How would you get enough protein? IS THE ANSWER LEGUMES? Do you wake up knowing you’re OK and also filled with existential dread? The sun is shining! Maybe you just need some adaptogens, acupuncture, that dog in you, a visit to the hyperbaric chamber, a fresh soul. A woman you follow just shared all the secrets to surviving menopause and also how she doesn’t believe we landed on the moon. It’s good though, really, it’s fine. You’re great! Here’s some effective skincare to slather on your sad-happy-grateful-old-scared face.