the ultimate middle-aged gift guide

lol

My husband and I decided to go “no gifts” this year. We’re officially, finally moving to a new house in January which is always a hassle and an expense. Plus, we both want to join this old-timey-fancy downtown gym in the new year — another expense. Plus, our kid needs braces. Plus plus a million other middle-aged-bullshit reasons that are somehow even more boring than what I just said. We do this some years in an effort to be “responsible” and virtuous, even though — Ramit Sethi-pilled or not — we are mostly childlike/impulsive and for sure wildly YOLO with our funds, a money-psychology situation I’ve at least identified and have begun to improve on (just a bit) with every passing month.

The thing is, I love hunting for cool/unique/“worth it” shit. I love the fantasy of the person I will be if I were to ever own said shit, I love scouring the internet and the world for highly-specific items like “70s art teacher blouse” or “burnt orange pendant lamp.” I’m not a shop ‘til you drop person, but more a compulsive/obsessive/must get it right, item by item buyer, which my boss at my day job tells me is what makes me good at what I do.

To that end, even though I am not making a gift list for myself, I made one for you. Here’s everything I would buy if I was buying things — some of this stuff I’ve already tested and now feel everyone kind of needs to own too.