the end before the beginning?

on glimmers of hope

Quick reminder: Kimberly Harrington and I are burning up the podcast airwaves with our GenX lady dirtbag podcast NO COUNTRY FOR OLD WOMEN. If you want to follow the chaos: We’re on Instagram. You can also subscribe on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I don’t know the exact moment recently when I decided I needed to stop despairing over every single thing, but after months of what can only be described as a real fucking funk, in the last few weeks, I finally started shifting my attention away from the horrors long enough to witness some goddamn joy.

I’m reading Rebecca Solnit’s book, The Beginning Comes After the End, which is helping a lot. In it, she argues (convincingly!) that the world Trump and his dork-gollum posse are clinging to is all but over. That the violence/power-hoarding/overt oppression we’re witnessing does not mean the end of a century’s worth of progress, but more that, even if we can’t see the light in this Shawshankian-shit tunnel just yet, these old-school monsters are soon to be cooked.

Solnit cites this famous (+ somewhat controversial and often bungled/mistranslated) quote, “The old world is dying and the new one is slow to appearing. In this light and shadows, monsters arise.” It’s from the Italian Marxist philosopher Antonio Gramsci’s 1930’s prison notebooks, written while he was held captive by Mussolini’s fascist regime. The quote has also been translated as, “In this interregnum, a great variety of morbid phenomena appear.”

Solnit believes that we’re in the middle of two stories, headed toward a fresh beginning. That the rise of ol’ bruised-baby-hands Beezlebub (and wanna-be dictators like him) is simply a last-gasp effort to maintain a system that it’s increasingly clear works for no one except those who are trying to uphold it.

Beyond just everything not absolutely sucking like it does now, Solnit says (and has historical evidence to back up) that this shift will lead us to a more equitable world order, a move away from isolationism, and a return to more interconnected lives. (fwiw, this is adjacent to a similar theory I’ve heard from one of my favorite thinkers Amanda Litman).

I’ve been lapping up Solnit’s book like a lynx with a bowl of cream. Shoot the hope into my veins. I did not realize how desperately I want out of this between-two-worlds purgatory, how much I’ve needed to start imagining a new beginning rather than ruminating on this worst-of-humanity going-out-of-business-sale end.

Since starting this book, I’ve been trying to stay more connected to my community, helping neighbors, getting back up on the local mutual aid stick. And I’m gathering with my people more frequently, as often as I can. I’m also gathering a few times each week with other writers during the No Country for Old Women writing hours, and I’m trying to swing a second year at Alexandra Auder’s transformative annual artist’s retreat, which is not so much a bougie “retreat” as a collective creative fellowship, in the best sense. (If this sounds like something you’d like, join me! I think she has a few spots left.)

Should you need a jolt of hope that’s anchored in history (and not utter bullshit) that will temporarily take you away from the news + evil algorithms this weekend, I can’t recommend The Beginning Comes After the End enough.