a good mother's day in a terrible time

love! how do we get enough of it!

my first mother’s day

Today is my fifteenth Mother’s Day (as a mom) and it is shaping up to be — without doubt — the best I’ve experienced. No, it did not involve flowers, obligatory or otherwise. There were no tear-jerky odes, mom-themed tchotchkes, nor breakfast in bed. Hell, these chumps I live with didn’t even procure a card. And yet? I feel more loved and appreciated as both a biological mother and a person who cares for others (a kind of mothering!) than ever before. I spent the day moving slowly and intentionally, wearing my most comfortable pants, reading the paper alone, intermittently weighing in on sartorial choices for my kid while texting with most every mother I love, clearing out a closet and re-potting plants.

I chatted on the phone with one friend who happens to also be a mom for a full 90 minutes, covering a wide swath of our middle-aged lives; the rich texture of our relationships, the joys of our ongoing frivolous indulgences, the personal/professional/global challenges we’re facing and how, at this age, even when things absolutely suck, we feel more present, grounded and equipped to deal. At the end of the call, my friend said “Happy Mother’s Day!” and we laughed because we hadn’t spoken once about our kids.

Mother’s Day can be so hard for so many; my own relationship with my mother has never not been significantly fraught. But over the years, I’ve learned to accept what I got in the maternal department, and to think more expansively about how to get what I need. Mothering, I’ve found, is ultimately about women and connection, love and care — I don’t need a card to know that I’m lucky enough (and have worked on myself hard enough) to experience an abundance of this, even if it doesn’t always look the way I thought it would.

In a world that’s never not telling women (no matter their choices) that they’re doing it all wrong, it’s a privilege to experience any day when it feels just right.

A little announcement/housekeeping!

The Ambition Monster paperback comes out on Tuesday! To celebrate, I’ll be releasing deleted chapters from the book that I liked but were cut every day until I run out. Most of these will be available to everyone, though a few more personal/painful sections will be kept private (ish) behind a paywall. Thanks to everyone for continuing to engage with and support this work, your messages have meant the world to me. x