every single dumb (and smart) thing i bought this month
forgive me, fiscally-responsible gods.
This is the first of an ongoing series. I am here to confess every stupid goddamn thing I purchased in the past 26 days. I am but a donkey with human limbs — and an Apple Pay account.
Because all this stuff was on sale: I bought a wildly inexpensive K beauty vitamin C serum, this highly-rated eye cream and, of course, a replacement for my old standby snail serum (even if famous/respected beauty experts recently dragged me on this one—I know the snail serum works). These products were all in my column about the best skin-care deals for women over 40 (50, whatever). Should you be interested in such things, I update it every other week!
I also bought a bunch of favorite products for my mom, because she asked. Of these, I have to say I am in serious love with the Kate McLeod moisturizing “stone” — it smells so good! It’s so easy to travel with! Also, my day job is fun.
I’ve started buying boys’ clothes. No, not men’s clothes, not chic suiting and slim ties, not Lydia Tar or even Charlotte in that one Sex and the City episode where she sports a mustache, proving my theory that all humans over 30 look better with facial hair (if only I could grow Ben Affleck’s jowls-disguising beard!). No, I mean true children’s clothing. It started with a J.Crew sweatsuit I initially did not know was meant for fifth graders (seen in one of the slides here). Encouraged by the results, I bought this fetching short-sleeved knit polo that looks like it flew out of the 70s wardrobe of Steve Rubell, not a 9-year-old named Finn’s. I am convinced that modern-day J.Crew is often trying to give its clothes away. Both items were originally child-priced and then on sale on top of already being on sale, so basically free.
After my only pair of jeans shredded like Tom Hanks’ shorts in Castaway (thanks Zara!), I purchased these from the Gap recommended by a lady on TikTok who appears to be my age but could also be 65 or also 25. I failed that AI or real face? test on the New York Times two (or 20?) months ago. I trust no face now.
Some people I like on Instagram were talking about this perfect Old Navy sweatshirt that looks good on everyone and then showed how it looks good on everyone and then it was sold out but then it came back and I bought it even though I no longer lusted after it in precisely the same way. It was under $20. It hasn’t arrived yet.
In a fit of SUMMER COMING BODY NEED CLOTHES I picked up this well-shaped black tank dress (also from Old Navy) that feels like it will become a thing I wear with sneakers or sandals to the beach or the pool but also to dinner with a cardigan or wrap (lol a WRAP) until I am too old to care about looking cute or dead or both.
After spending approximately 1400 hours searching eBay for a vintage waxed-cotton barn jacket, I finally found one that looks just like Barbour except it was $37 + shipping and not the cost of my first car. On eBay, I also found a grunge-90s-looking Rachel Comey for Target dress (mine was listed for $5.99!) that somehow fits perfectly and is miraculously a thing I will wear and not a fail.
My big splurge of the month was these Weetjuns tassle-y loafers which I bought because I need a pair of shoes to wear on book tour and to a business trip next month for my real job. They’re great but a hair too big and I should’ve sent them back but instead I kept trying to verify if they were actually too big and in doing so messed up the sole and now, well, thick socks here I come.
Have I told you about my fit-fluencing weighted vest journey? There are many reasons why this new weighted vest is the best and one reason why it’s the worst but I will save this tale for another day.
After one day when I ate the obscene amount of protein for breakfast that problematic podcasting bros and menopause influencers alike recommend and had so much energy I was literally jumping up and down, I started adding more protein to my diet which means I am now a cottage cheese bitch and no I can’t believe it either. This one is the best.
Last, I bought this book. I suspect you can imagine why.
And while we’re on the topic of buying things, Harper’s Bazaar just named my book one of the best books of the year! More on this (and my deep feels about it) to come in Monday’s newsletter, but in the meantime, if you haven’t, you know: 🤡🤡🤡PRE-ORDER AMBITION MONSTER NOW 🤡🤡🤡
have a great weekend, everyone. xo
Extra protein FTW. Apparently after 40 we need to be eating more like weight lifting enthusiasts just to combat muscle loss.
I love that you are on Substack now bc I love you and Kim and EIF! Also, protein is good and so are weighted vests. I have one and I have been doing a challenge to walk with it every day in April. However mine has weight in the front and back, not just the back. I can find the link if necessary. Strong ladies FTW.