For only the second third time in nearly four years, there’s no Everything Is Fine podcast this week. This is because I encountered a technical SNAFU last week while our editor/producer was on a (well deserved) 10-day vacation and I made an executive decision to allow this hard-working young person to have a true break, ie not burden her with a non-emergency someone else was trying to make a rightthissecond calamity. It’s a holiday, I reasoned. The content can wait. And as it turns out? It could.
More and more, I’m trying to work like this. To slow it all down, allow a gap in production, a delay in response. To let myself (and others) off the hook and stop living in scarcity, in the fear that the momentum of my career will (POOF!) go away if I’m not quite up for every opportunity; when I don’t wish to muscle my way and push things through. I’m attempting to walk it like I talk it, to believe in my bones that what’s for me will find me — if and when I want to be found.
These are the lessons of my book, of course, though it feels near-impossible to consistently implement them in real life. Few success models suggest that we’re allowed to trust ourselves over the system. You’ll find little professional development that’s focused on living with ease. Instead we’re hardwired to override our internal guides, fake it until we make it, to chase amorphous career treats and lap up whatever we’re served, even if by closely following a universal set of rules, we often find ourselves living out someone else’s idea of a dream.
I wrote an entire memoir about the dangers of overwork. In promoting this memoir, the question I’ve been asked most frequently is what I’m working on now. This arbitrary, no-gaps, go-go-go-’til-you’re-dead success metric is antithetical to everything I’ve learned about myself and how I thrive in work. Still, the idea that I’m not currently productive enough, that I need to strike while the iron is hot, that I should be working on something STAT (even though I’m still raw and worn from the thing I just achieved) has left me more anxious than I care to admit, self-flagellating and, if I’m honest, at least a little lost and stuck.
But I’m coming out of the haze. One of the Everything Is Fine episodes I was trying and failing to upload last week is an interview with leadership coach Kristen Lisanti. Kristen is a former global human resources executive/Chief People Officer who also happens to be a mindfulness teacher. More importantly, she is among my wisest, most grounded and thoughtful friends, a person I trust to synthesize and advise on most any life crisis, but especially, those pertaining to a career.
In this interview — a sort of September back-to-school/back-to-work reset — Kim and I spoke with Kristen about how to reengage with your job when you’re over it, how to advocate for yourself and set boundaries around work and, if you’re ready to make a change, how to sort out what you might want next. Kristen introduced us to the concept of “G.A.P.” as a key metric for career satisfaction, explaining that when individuals have professional Growth, Autonomy, Purpose we perform at our best. I haven’t re-listened to our conversation and I might be mangling the precise context here, but this chat was nearly a week ago and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since. The G.A.P. idea is already helping me crystallize all sorts of “what next” decisions, transforming how I think about what I want.
What makes a happy career? I’m not sure. But slowing down and taking time to prioritize Growth, Autonomy and Purpose, asking “am I growing?/will this challenge me and foster growth?” “will I have freedom to do what I want?” “does [X project] align with my values and further my sense of purpose?” seems like the kind of wise-mind practice that might get us close.
It’s the postscript to my book, one that has the potential to actually quiet an ambitious monkey brain. Or, at the very least, help us remember the hard-won lessons we’ve already learned but — like so much in midlife — accidentally lost or abandoned along the way.
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My book Ambition Monster is out now. It is, I’m told, a good book.
Good for you, JR, for "walking your talk." At mid-life we can finally see what may be the cause of our unhappiness or dissatisfaction, but it's not so easy to change behavior (and HOLD ON TO IT) to be better. This is important stuff to write about and I appreciate it. Keep going.
Jenn, I can double confirm, it is a good book. It’s so good to find someone that admits how hard it is to let go of being driven to excel at all costs - the next thing always looming. Best line I ever read that woke me up is: Even if you win the rat race, you’re still a rat (or something like that!)