bolting for the sun like a diamond
hello from book tour!
Before we go any further — tour updates!
Tonight: I’m in Los Angeles at Skylight Books, in conversation with Ambition Monster’s magnificent editor Kate Napolitano. As you’ll learn in upcoming HIWAB installments, there would be no book with Kate, who is just the best. I’m so excited about this conversation and weirdly nervous too.
Thursday, June 13th: I’m in Seattle at Elliott Bay Book Company talking with hero
!Sunday, June 16th: NEW YORK. There are still tickets left for the Everything Is Fine live show at Caveat NYC!
and I will host loads of special guests — including author , New Yorker cartoonist Emily Flake and comedian Hollie Harper.Monday, June 17th: PHILLY, our live show at Fergie’s Pub is sold out, but hit me up if you want in, I know a guy…
Wednesday, June 19th: I’m in Baltimore at Greedy Reads with my wonderful friend
. This is a ticketed event.
OK, now back to our regularly scheduled programming! Except not at all. I’m all over the place mentally and physically these days, unable to form coherent thoughts, trying to stay present and feel normal and not like the awkward, poorly-socialized bear I often feel like inside. It’s weird to have written a book that spills most all of your secrets and have people now know those secrets. I anticipated this moment for so long and now that it’s here, it’s actually not quite as terrifying as I imagined? Or at least I’m managing the terror? So many of you have reached out with kind words about the book and only two people with shitty words and I am considering this a win.
Ambition Monster had two amazing events in New York last week. I was in conversation with wonderful Naomi Fry at The Strand and got to read from my book for only the second time. The room was beautiful and old-timey, filled with friends and friendly strangers. We went to Knickerbocker Bar after and I had a martini. The whole thing felt like a dream.
The next night my friend Susan hosted a party for the book on her roof in Brooklyn. We could see the sun setting over Statue of Liberty. Nearly every NYC woman I’ve ever worked with and admired was there. Every time someone arrived, we hugged and I cried. My friend
says events like these feel like attending your own funeral, but in the best way, if that makes sense?Thanks so much to everyone who has supported my book so far — when I’ve felt the most anxious, self-doubting and exposed, your support has been a balm.
There’s loads more to talk about — not just about this book of course, but ambition and aging, writing and workaholism, how we move through the world, the promises we choose to keep in these miles before we sleep.
I’m looking forward to writing more, to sharing new projects, to getting to know all of you. In the meantime, here’s an Anne Sexton poem someone shared with me last week that I can’t stop thinking about.
Thanks for being here. xo
The Ambition Bird
BY ANNE SEXTON
So it has come to this –
insomnia at 3:15 A.M.,
the clock tolling its engine
like a frog following
a sundial yet having an electric
seizure at the quarter hour.
The business of words keeps me awake.
I am drinking cocoa,
the warm brown mama.
I would like a simple life
yet all night I am laying
poems away in a long box.
It is my immortality box,
my lay-away plan,
my coffin.
All night dark wings
flopping in my heart.
Each an ambition bird.
The bird wants to be dropped
from a high place like Tallahatchie Bridge.
He wants to light a kitchen match
and immolate himself.
He wants to fly into the hand of Michelangelo
and come out painted on a ceiling.
He wants to pierce the hornet’s nest
and come out with a long godhead.
He wants to take bread and wine
and bring forth a man happily floating in the Caribbean.
He wants to be pressed out like a key
so he can unlock the Magi.
He wants to take leave among strangers
passing out bits of his heart like hors d’oeuvres.
He wants to die changing his clothes
and bolt for the sun like a diamond.
He wants, I want.
Dear God, wouldn’t it be
good enough just to drink cocoa?
I must get a new bird
and a new immortality box.
There is folly enough inside this one.
In case you want to follow what I’ve been up to:
I wrote about J.Lo, Ben Affleck and how We're Getting Female Ambition All Wrong for The Cut.
I was interviewed about ambition for Slate, about getting fired in the Guardian and about “letting go” in Alta.
The New York Times reviewed my book and said many nice things and also taught me what “prolix” means.
I recorded The Hustle Daily podcast and talked all about girl boss culture and where we might want to put our ambition now. This was a sweet and intimate interview with a thoughtful host. I’m immensely grateful for all of it.
I’ve said so on your IG, but again: the book is great! I hope you get a great vacation after tour!
I LOVED hearing you on the last EIF podcast because you seemed so joyful and dare I say giddy.