JFC

i’m post pissed

Hear me when I say that as much as I love my one wild and precious life, I cannot right now with the Mary Oliver quotes. I cannot think about stars emerging from darkness. I cannot listen to that inspirational podcast you recommended or read your favorite poem by Adrienne Rich. I don’t want to be told it’s OK to breathe and grieve or — god forbid — see your Instagram story about how we can all Frozen 2 this literal cunt devastation and do “the next right thing.”

Because truly I don’t know how to get over this. No, not the fact that half the country is transphobic/racist/misinformed. I knew that. But this: An aggrieved, sunsetting criminal madman who wants to eradicate most all just-above-basic human rights challenged a sane, more-conservative-than-many-of-us-would-like normal lady and millions of educated voters were like “Nah, I’ll sit this one out” ?????

It’s not just that she’s a woman. It’s not even only about race. True, it was less-than-great when she cozied up to a Cheney. And I, too, wish she’d said more about [INSERT MANY PROGRESSIVE ISSUES!]. It would’ve been ideal if she’d outlined plans for [YOUR MOST SIGNIFICANT ISSUE]. The person who sent Bill Clinton to talk to Muslim voters should be cursed with life-long crabs. And that one answer on The View? Yeah, not the best.

And yet, one of the reasons many of us are currently existing in this post-rage state, a reason we cannot actually identify this new level of numb/White Walker soul death is because this wasn’t just the orange demon’s army defeating us in battle; it was that a whole swath of liberal-leaning people who totally could have didn’t show up for the fight. I get it, the system is broken. We will never fix it by running (or slinking/sulking) away.

For months, I witnessed adult humans behave as if they lived in a different country than the one we actually live in, pretending there was some different, other way this whole situation could go down. “NONE OF THE ABOVE,” proclaimed a friend on Facebook after Harris handily defeated Trump in the debate. Others dreamed of an alternative timeline with a real and fair primary, suggested protest votes for Jill Stein or maybe John McCain’s ghost, fantasized about Judge Judy jumping into the race, opined on how the options were so bad, they’d “probably just stay home.” In short, behaved unseriously about a situation that could not be more serious.

In rant after rant, I saw this detachment from reality, as if by WISHING hard enough we could Borgen ourselves into a more equitable, better-quality six-party system, as if those who were dissatisfied with their presidential choices could get some special other choice, like an American election was the secret menu at In-N-Out.

And, because there was no special other option (an option that, if we’re honest, few of these two-party haters ever lifted a raw-milk-fortified finger to organize, shape or viably create), these adults, with ostensibly loads of skin in this high-stakes game, abdicated their most fundamental civil duty and opted the fuck out.

I mean, not to be the “b” word Donald Trump really wanted to say, but can we all agree that presidential candidates are not issues Santas and elections are not about getting everything you want, sometimes you don’t even get close? Democracy requires participation. Voting is a strategy. Just because the players aren’t your top picks doesn’t mean it’s in your best interest to take your ball and go home.

I’m probably preaching to the choir here. You most likely didn’t hang back on your easy chair while everyone else voted or write in a saucy daytime-TV judge. Even if you did, and if I want to affect any real change, I should try to understand why better. I will. Just not this week.

I know there are remaining votes still being counted. I know the Democratic voter turnout deficit from 2020 is not 20 million, or even 15. Still, right now, it’s not only that I’m mad/devastated that we lost. I’m broken over the fact that so many failed to show up for us at all.